Sunday, November 27, 2011

It makes me sad when he is so negative .... yet I love him so much

It makes me sad when he is so negative .... yet I love him so much

No, I am not talking about my husband, he is a very positive man, not talking about our son either. He is a perfect mix of happy, pissy and sarcasm for his age.

Maybe it bothers me today, because in the USA we are all talking about how thankful we are right now. In the Netherlands they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. But he could have so much to be thankful for, if he would just LOOK AROUND! Maybe older people get this way? I don’t remember him being this way when I was a kid.

I am talking about my father.

So, yes, now I am saying negative things about my father. I hope you don’t mind that I share these feelings today. If you have read my blog before, you know how much I love my parents. I hope to go see them real soon ... I am planning a trip after Christmas.

The reason I feel this way right now?

I talked the my parents on the phone for an hour this morning. We do this every Sunday. One week they call my sister (she lives near me) the next week it is my turn. 

But she is in Holland right now, with her 26-year-old daughter. They are visiting for 10 days.
Most of these days my sister is with them, my niece is doing a bit more sight-seeing.
The E-mails my sister is sending me tell me how much time she is spending with them. They are playing games, watching tv, listening to music. She cooked for them several times. One day my other sister took her to visit an aunt, where they stayed for ONE HOUR. She lives an hour-and-a-half away! But my visiting sister has explained, “This visit is for Mama and Papa!” So they only stayed for ONE HOUR!

Sometimes elderly people seem to get very selfish, or maybe he is just confused. He was whining and complaining, telling me how she was gone all the time. And then he would say things like, “I understand, we are old and boring.”

Why is it that sometimes elderly people get so manipulative? Or is that a stupid question?

My sister is a jewel ... maybe even too nice!! When I wrote about her neighbor taking her flowers and vegetables in one of my blogs, someone even commented that my sister should, ‘stand up for herself; that she was a doormat.’

So while my father is going on and on with his complaints, my mother is commenting on the scent of fresh air, when my niece comes back from a walk. She is grateful to be alive, after having had several surgeries during the last year.

My mother comments about the good things she is enjoying during my sister’s visit.

It is almost like they were living different lives, instead of sharing the same home, the same kids, the same visits.

So this is a rant, I guess, and I thank you for the ear. I will be going to visit them soon, and I must be positive and bring them smiles!

Maybe you have elderly family and you understand I don’t write this because I don’t love him, I just wished he could be happy and grateful for having had such a long happy life. And for kids that love them very much. Kids that travel across the ocean, to be with them!

1 comment:

  1. Don't forget he is a very old man. The visit disrupts the strict time schedules of the old people. The normal life of old people is very scheduled; that's why for instance they always call you at the same time. Imagine the impact of the visit: they had to take their weekly shower on a different day; the laundry had to be done on a different day. They are feeling uncertain and forget a lot more than they normally do.
    A visitor should visit. That is in their view: being there ALL the time. So when they go, they will be asked a thousand times if they will be there for dinner. And still the old folks will complain because they don't know who will be there for dinner...
    Don't be too harsh on the elderly.