Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The ultimate bullying? The prize goes to our greedy insurance companies!





I looked up the WORD ‘insurance’ in my dictionary ...

Insurance ...
1. PROTECTION against risk, loss, or ruin, by a contract in which an insurer or underwriter GUARANTEES to pay a sum of money to the insured, or the beneficiary in the event of death, accident, fire, etc, in return for the payment of premiums: also, the business of PROVIDING this PROTECTION.
2. A contract GUARANTEEING such protection.


On October 30 my friend was in a major accident ... she was in a coma for 10 days.
Left side of her rib-cage is crushed ... 9 fractured ribs ..  Both lungs were punctured
Broken pelvis requiring a pin
Ruptured spleen and liver

Needles to say, she has been through Hell lately! But she is a very positive girl and a fighter, thank goodness!

I have been E-mailing with her, her father gave her a laptop to use in the hospital.
Enclosed are the two last ones.





(Nov 24)
“Things are coming along for me. I had a little set back
yesterday. Started running fever and having chills and
tremors. I have a slight infection in my pin site at my
pelvis. Started me on IV antibiotics. Also increased pain,
that required me to go back to the IV pain medicine. I am
feeling better this morning. I am keeping my fingers crossed
that the antibiotic is working to allow me a good day. Kids
and D will be over later today to make my day complete. 
I am so thankful for all the blessings in my life.”








(Nov 29) “Had set back over weekend with chest pain And shortness ofbreath. Spent weekend having multiple tests. They did rule
out heart attack, blood clot, and gallbladder attack. They
are running an overnight monitoring of my breathing to see
if my levels drop requiring oxygen. I will probably be
coming home on Wednesday. Insurance will only allow so much
time in hospital. They are saying I am independent enough
to go home. I am a fighter and will survive no matter where
I am at. I keep thinking of you guys.”



I scares the daylights out of me that THEY have decided she is well enough to go home.
This is called PROTECTION? Or maybe this is the GUARANTEE my dictionary told me about?
I hope there is a way the doctors can make this insurance group responsible for their promises!

Two set-backs in ONE WEEK!

Bullying pisses me off ... I am so worried about her!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

It makes me sad when he is so negative .... yet I love him so much


It makes me sad when he is so negative .... yet I love him so much

No, I am not talking about my husband, he is a very positive man, not talking about our son either. He is a perfect mix of happy, pissy and sarcasm for his age.


Maybe it bothers me today, because in the USA we are all talking about how thankful we are right now. In the Netherlands they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. But he could have so much to be thankful for, if he would just LOOK AROUND! Maybe older people get this way? I don’t remember him being this way when I was a kid.


I am talking about my father.


So, yes, now I am saying negative things about my father. I hope you don’t mind that I share these feelings today. If you have read my blog before, you know how much I love my parents. I hope to go see them real soon ... I am planning a trip after Christmas.


The reason I feel this way right now?


I talked the my parents on the phone for an hour this morning. We do this every Sunday. One week they call my sister (she lives near me) the next week it is my turn. 


But she is in Holland right now, with her 26-year-old daughter. They are visiting for 10 days.
Most of these days my sister is with them, my niece is doing a bit more sight-seeing.
The E-mails my sister is sending me tell me how much time she is spending with them. They are playing games, watching tv, listening to music. She cooked for them several times. One day my other sister took her to visit an aunt, where they stayed for ONE HOUR. She lives an hour-and-a-half away! But my visiting sister has explained, “This visit is for Mama and Papa!” So they only stayed for ONE HOUR!


Sometimes elderly people seem to get very selfish, or maybe he is just confused. He was whining and complaining, telling me how she was gone all the time. And then he would say things like, “I understand, we are old and boring.”


Why is it that sometimes elderly people get so manipulative? Or is that a stupid question?


My sister is a jewel ... maybe even too nice!! When I wrote about her neighbor taking her flowers and vegetables in one of my blogs, someone even commented that my sister should, ‘stand up for herself; that she was a doormat.’


So while my father is going on and on with his complaints, my mother is commenting on the scent of fresh air, when my niece comes back from a walk. She is grateful to be alive, after having had several surgeries during the last year.


My mother comments about the good things she is enjoying during my sister’s visit.


It is almost like they were living different lives, instead of sharing the same home, the same kids, the same visits.


So this is a rant, I guess, and I thank you for the ear. I will be going to visit them soon, and I must be positive and bring them smiles!


Maybe you have elderly family and you understand I don’t write this because I don’t love him, I just wished he could be happy and grateful for having had such a long happy life. And for kids that love them very much. Kids that travel across the ocean, to be with them!

Friday, November 25, 2011

I did okay with his girlfriend and I LOVED my messy kitchen yesterday




He brought ‘the girl’!  He almost broke up with her, because she betrayed him. 

Did you ever go there? Telling him all the neutral things that make sense. Inside, as his mother you are thinking of ways TO KILL THAT LITTLE BITCH!

So, you thought I was a nice person? Maybe! But don’t hurt my kid!

He made up with her after he told me he couldn’t! Yet emotions took over!

And here they are ... together ... at our house! Obviously in love!

I wondered how I would feel, and act towards her. I also wondered how Big T would be.
And I am proud to say ... WE ARE ALL OK!

They arrived Wednesday night ... 

So yesterday, Big T and I started early as usual. And I knew he wanted to get that turkey in the oven by 10 am, so I was hurrying to do my desserts! And then I started on my son’s laundry (yes, he did it again!) Even though he told me, he would take care of it himself. Ah well, so I spoil him.
I don’t get to do it that often.

When the young couple joins us, our kid is telling us about this no-bake cheesecake he would like to add to the desserts. Not that we needed any more, it’s no wonder my jeans are so snug right now!

Picture this kitchen!

Big T is a messy cook and he has shit all over the place! Now my kid starts pulling out bowls, measuring cups, mixer ... asking for this and that ingredient.
HE WANTS PRETZELS! For the bottom part of this cheesecake. Girlfriend grins, tells me she was shocked also, but it tastes good!

Pretzels need to be smashed! He puts them in a ziplock and stomps around on it with bare feet.
Of course the baggie pops!! Pretzel dust and pieces are entertaining the dog!
We start over and I suggest the potato masher.

Girlfriend seems very submissive while ‘helping’ him in the kitchen. She tells me our son always cooks at her house.

So now he wants heavy cream and since we don’t have it, he will use 2% milk. OK!
Except he thinks he is going to BEAT IT STIFF!

My kid doesn’t seem to realize that milk doesn’t get STIFF!
So now a trip is required to the store — it HAS TO get stiff.

Poor kid seems to have a problem with things not getting stiff ... he flunked his lemon meringue pie last week too ... it didn’t get stiff either!

I ask him, “You are going LIKE THAT!?”

He is dressed in gym-shorts and flip-flaps. She is wearing a coat and boots.

They have the giggles when they get back! We now open the booze! Time for a drink!

He beats the cream, we are drinking now ... everybody slap-happy ... and the kitchen?
Holy Shit ... you have never seen anything like it!!!

Would you believe I was happy?  This is what HOME should feel like!

After we stuffed ourselves we hung out on the couch and watched a movie, ‘Wrecked’ very intense!  Dessert came during movie-time and that cheese cake was actually very good!

Our Thanksgiving was awesome .... how was yours?  I hope it was filled with love, joy and food!!!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

When you DREAD the Holidays ...




For some of us the arrival of a Holiday weighs heavy on the heart. Holidays can be a horrible strain when you are all alone, or if this is the first Thanksgiving/Christmas without your loved one. 

Maybe you got divorced this year or maybe  your relationship ended.

 Or  maybe this is the first Holiday without one of your parents.

A sudden sadness, or a renewal of grief can be brought on by a day where loved ones gather and share. This sudden sadness can be overwhelming.

PLEASE, don’t stay alone ... ALLOW your friends to help you! You would not want anyone you love or care for suffer like this, so don’t walk away from your friends. There is always an extra chair at the table, extra hugs are there for you ... 

I am not quoting this from a book, I have been there. (Many years ago, but I remember oh so well)

After spending Thanksgiving with friends, I decided I could do Christmas alone ... nobody would know ... I lied to those who were kind enough to ask me;  I  told them I was spending time with ‘so-and-so’.

My divorce was final in May, and I should be fine by the Holidays, right?

WRONG!!

I can tell you what you should NOT do!

1. Don’t go for a walk at night and look in those windows, where families are gathered
2. Don’t go shopping on Christmas Eve, while they are playing ‘Oh Holy Night’
3. Don’t hit the bottle, depression will hit you over the head, and you will drown in self-pity

You don’t HAVE to be alone, please know there is always somebody that would be there for you, if you allow them. So please allow your friends to help you!

I wish I could invite all the lonely people for Thanksgiving, but I might need a house as big as a country for that!

But I can send you some love through cyber-space ... so pucker up, and open your arms wide!

Hugs to all of you!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

My popcorn fiasco ...




When I was a teenager I used to babysit for families from different countries, to practice my languages. I took English, French and German. Kids always tell you the truth when you make a mistake and I felt safe ‘practicing’ my language skills.

I learned a lot more though. Different cultures, different foods. It was fun!

One food group that is not popular in Holland is corn ... it is for pigs ... and I mean real pigs!
Not people-pigs!

During one of my visits I was invited to stay for popcorn. I was amazed! They showed me those tiny kernels afterwards and told me, that the heat and some oil makes it pop. This was before ‘microwave popcorn’, many moons ago ...

They were kind enough to give me a small bag with kernels, so I could share this little miracle with my family.

My mother did not like us kids in the kitchen ... I had to learn to cook on my own. So I didn’t tell her what I was up to. She was busy washing the windows on the outside, something she did every week. Yep, scrubby Dutch!

So I took a frying pan, put the oil in it, just like they had told me ... when it got hot I put the kernels in. My siblings were amazed at my bravery in the kitchen. They had followed me to the kitchen, with their friends. Our house was a happy drop-in at all times!

When the kernels started popping they flew out of the frying pan and soon popcorn was coming down like snowflakes on a winter day. The kids were all screaming and diving for popcorn, making so much noise my mother came in to check up on us.

She was not happy with me at first, but since it all got cleaned up FAST, she had a good laugh at my account.

You still can’t buy popcorn in Holland and when relatives come over for a visit they stand and look at the huge choice of popcorn. Wondering how we can ever make a choice ...

Do you have a favorite?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

How can anger overtake motherly love ... with a 13 month old baby?






The ‘sarah-alert’ came out on Tuesday. Baby disappeared from his bedroom.
Mommy put him in bed at 10:30 on Monday night and when she went in his room to get him up Tuesday 11 AM  he was gone.




 The Sarah-alarm went out at 1:30 PM. Newsflashes on tv and radio and also on road-signs all around StLouis. There were reports of a man walking alongside the highway with what appeared to be a blue blanket? Sobbing family members during the evening news: young parents everywhere making sure windows were tightly locked, before they put THEIR baby to bed.


Terry and I watched later that night how a tiny body was retrieved from a wooded area, discovered by people that were talking a walk. My eyes filled with tears when I saw how tenderly the police officer carried a tiny body to the car. Was THIS the missing baby?


When I could talk again I said, “She didn’t walk into that baby’s room till 11 AM? A 13 month slept that late?”


The next morning I heard that same reaction from some of the young couples I work for.


Wednesday morning I received a call from my sister. “The 20-year-old mother confessed to beating her baby when he wouldn’t go back to sleep during the night. She couldn’t take it anymore.”


A horrible, tragic event! She lost control and JUST DID THAT!  She beat him till he stopped crying. Beat him till he STOPPED ... everything ... he would never bother her again. 


Last night more images, including a phone-number parents could call if they needed help.
 In case they felt they were losing control. Suddenly the media realized MORE young parents might need help with uncontrollable anger. 


But will that number be there when they need it? Will it prevent another parent from committing this unthinkable crime?


HOW COULD YOU ...  how could you possibly beat your baby like that?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

No candy for Christmas ... the Sugar Plum Fairy was fired ... for cursing!


The Sugar Plum Fairy was fired for cursing, but a growing number of fans are hoping she'll get her job back.


Laura Coppinger, 29, of St. Louis, is an actress who has portrayed the Sugar Plum Fairy for the past six years on historic Main Street in St. Charles during the annual Christmas Traditions festival.


I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Well, she must have cursed on the job.”


But if you thought that, you would be wrong. Nope, Laura was fired for cursing while she was taking a drug test that all city employees must take. Again, I know what you’re thinking:


 “Somebody with the city agreed to pay someone to be a Sugar Plum Fairy, but Laura has to take the drug test?”


If you’re thinking that, you have a very good point.


Laura was taking her drug test when she “accidentally flushed the toilet.” Apparently, flushing the toilet during a drug test is a no-no.


Note to self: Never use a bathroom after someone takes a drug test.


Laura was told, that because she flushed the toilet, she would have to stay until she could provide another sample. Staying would make her late for a scheduled job interview. That’s when Laura uttered a curse-word under her breath.  I’m not sure what she said when she found out she was going to be late for her job interview, but I know what I would have said.


Of course the REAL Sugar Plum Fairy would be pristine and virginal and she would NEVER say bad words ... but Laura is only a PRETEND Sugar Fairy ...  She is a real life woman and she might EVEN be on AFF ...  And who knows what else she might be doing when she is not in her Fairy Chambers.


The Post-Dispatch quoted the St. Charles human resources department as saying that Laura violated a Christmas Traditions character code of conduct by saying “naughty words.”


Second note to self: Never invite a member of the St. Charles human resources department to my house or Big T’s work.


Beyond the statement from the human resources department, the folks with the city aren’t talking about the firing, but a lot of folks in St. Charles are talking. Apparently some of the folks in St. Charles think Laura’s firing is “&^%$.”


The good news is that a guy named Mike Swart is trying to turn a negative into a positive. He has started a Facebook page to try to save Laura’s job. As part of his Facebook page, he is asking folks to contribute to a food drive to stock a local food pantry. He is asking folks to donate Sugar Plum Fairy fare, such as cookies and candies, as well as standard food pantry items.


This is what Laura told the Post-Dispatch when she heard about the food drive:


“I think it’s lovely, absolutely wonderful that something good is coming out of this after all.”


Spoken like a true Sugar Plum Fairy.









Tuesday, November 15, 2011

When your child suffers from a broken heart ... Shit, it hurts!!!




Yesterday I received a text:

“I broke up with C today. I think I’ll still come home for Thanksgiving, but it’ll just be me.”

I send him a text, asking if he is okay:

“I’ll be fine. I just found out something that ruined any trust. And then she lied and made excuses.
I refuse to take bullshit like that.”

He sounds pretty strong, right? But I know my son! He followed up with another text after I told him everything made work out, just don’t make hasty decisions.

“”Yeah, not going to happen. This is one of those moments where my analytical side wins.”

Hmm, my brainy son is working through this with an analytical mind? I remind him that it just happened and his emotional side will kick in and might win from his analytical side.
I also tell him that nothing is black and white, so give this more thought.

He has been with this girl for 6 months ... we met her in August.

In his next text he is trying to convince me (or himself?) . “I really think rational decision making is my greatest asset.”

Okay ...  funny thing to say, and we both are busy, so the texting stops after the ‘I love you’.

This morning things are a bit different, I find out right away after I text him a hug.

I get one of those texts from him  that ‘dings’ 5 times. A lengthy one! What happened to ‘analytical and rational decision making?’

The emotions took over and sent him tumbling in that dark abyss of pain. It doesn’t matter how large his brain is ... his heart is breaking.

So I call him, I know he is crying ... I do a lot of talking ...  about life, trust, second chances. Black and white and grey-tones of people, their actions and lies.

He asks me, “I don’t trust many people as it is, if I forgive her now, how do I know she won’t do it again?”

“Nobody knows, if she will do it again ... SHE doesn’t even know ... it is one of the chances we take in life, son.”

Maybe you understand ... maybe you have been there ... I had no clue it would hurt like this.
I just know that I can’t fix it ... no band-aid in the world can fix it!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Random updates






The weekend is over ... I have been up since 4:30 AM and Big T is already working.
We have a promise of 70 - degree weather after we have almost blown away all weekend.


My Burning Bush (such a naughty name for a plant) lost a lot of it’s brilliant leaves and the Mums in my pots suffered from frost. Yet the ones on my patio are still okay.


We tired to cover my ‘strawberry hill’ with piles of leaves, we sure have enough of those, but the wind had other plans. When I planted all those strawberry plants I was advised to cover them with straw in the winter, but since it is hilly in our yard, we know that won’t stay either.
So yesterday we covered them with landscaping fabric, and hammered staples into the dirt to keep it in place. We also put some weights on it. (Pieces of left-over decking)


We brought food (and visited) friends ... I posted before how my friend crashed her 4-wheeler and ended up in intense care ... her hubby and 3 kids are doing pretty good ... we take turns bringing meals. There were no head-injuries, but her pelvis is broken, liver, spleen and lungs have been damaged — 13 broken ribs. After two weeks the kids got to see her for ONE hour.


Today my mother had to go to a cardiologist ... she has had so many problems this last year and now there are concerns about her heart. My sister is going to Holland to visit, leaving next week.


I am considering going for a week during Christmas ... Big T will be staying home ... maybe he can keep up my blog and you can keep him company?


One more thing ....
I had a meeting with the mother of the little boy that shows signs of learning disabilities. Thanks to all the feedback on one of my last blogs it was easier for me to talk to her and help her understand. The good news is ... she has agreed to get him evaluated!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What else can I do?


What else can I do? A question for teachers, counselors and psychologists?
Most of you know that I am an in-home daycare/preschool provider. One floor of our home is my ‘one-room-school-house’. I have taught children in a classroom forum at an older age and I have to admit that this young, small group is much more humbling and demanding.

Each child and each problem is a new experience and I will do anything in my power to give MY KIDS a good start in life.

The child I am concerned about is 4 years old and I would consider him very slow. I can see a language deficiency ... he often looks at me like he doesn’t have a clue what I am talking about.

When he first came to me he was already two years old: he could not speak and only ate yogurt.

This is one of the reasons I prefer to start educating my babies from 3 months on! Because this child had/has not been exposed to the proper challenges in his life. It didn’t take me long to make some changes — he was speaking, self-feeding and potty-trained in about 6 months.

What bothers me though ... the mother doesn’t seem to think anything is out of the ordinary.
I read a lot of books to the kids ... and discuss them with 2, 3 and 4 year olds. Different types of books to entice them into THINKING!

When I ask this boy, "Is it safe for a puppy to be on the street?" , the boy will promptly say, "Yes"

I rethink and reword my question, "Should puppies be playing on the street, where there are cars?" He answered, "Yes" again! This time I had added the word CARS, to give him more of a reason to say, "NO"

We have also started the concept ‘same and different’ an important concept for this age. I had a picture of 4 umbrellas covered with a star-design, the 5th umbrella was blank.
I ask him which umbrella is different. His answer, "Two"

I reword my question and ask, "Are these umbrellas all the same?" His answer, "Yes"

We try different concepts ... Including sheep, four white, one black. I ask him to look at them closely. Do they all look like grandma’s sheep? (Hers are all white)

He tells me they are just like Grandma’s. I say, "All of them?"

"Yep" is the answer.

I make this problem solving a bit easier. Four big blocks ... One small one. (No luck}

Finally I show him 4 spoons and one fork ... he tells me they are the same.

One of my TWO-year-olds interrupts and yells, "No, that is a fork, those are spoons."

We have the same problem with: placement of items, taller and shorter, bigger and smaller, etc.

I don’t think this child has the proper grasp on language and the sad part is, he doesn’t get a lot of exposure (f.e. never been to the zoo) and I know they don’t take time to read to him.

He owns a DSI and plays games on that thing, but I have never watched him play, so I don’t know how well he does with this.

It took a lot of patience, but he can put his own shoes on and is doing 24-puzzle pieces at my house. (At home he can’t put his shoes on .. They tell me)

I would like to see him get tested ... a language evaluation might show us how to work with him more efficiently. The problem is, his mother tells me he is fine ... he is just ‘pretending’ he doesn’t know the answers to my questions. I don’t think this is true, because he would LOVE to get a sticker! And I know how he glows when I tell him that I am proud of him.

Sometimes he even asks me, "Are you happy with me?"

I am happy with ANY child, that will try to do the task I put in front of him/her!

So ... any idea how I can help this child?

Gratitude and passion


Swept from a breeze off the vineyards
poured from a fine bodied wine
is the mystery of my sensations
undulating over my tongue
and my mind

Vibrating chords of my passion and spirit
falling under the spell of enchantment
by the elegance
of the timbre
of his voice

A spontaneous promise
scented with
fresh cloves of garlic
in the wisps
of his hair

The Albatross carries me
over the rolling hills
quilted with raw emotions
that radiate with abundance
and naked passion ...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Best Gift


Today is my birthday and the best gift I received was a phone call early this morning, where my elderly parents were singing to me TOGETHER from their phone in the Netherlands.

Yes, they are BOTH still alive and ... YES still married together.

The last few years I was depressed on my birthday, the ‘getting old stuff’ is pretty scary to me.

Birthdays are so exciting when you are a child, yet when you mature these birthdays seem to come around faster each year. I have finally matured enough to realize, that I am happier now, than I have ever been in my entire life.

I have become more accepting, more forgiving and more appreciative of the small things in life, that are actually HUGE! Yes, I can see that now!

So now I can say ... Happy Birthday to me!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Wrong Hose, Honey!


Long, long time ago, when Big T was still ‘a Little T’ his parents owned two cars, one of them a very old station wagon. Even in those days gas prices were going up and down. And at the tender age of 4 he understood that his parents were not happy about this.

One day, while he was playing with his toys, he heard his mother ask his father to ‘fill up’ her car.

His dad was watching sports on tv and in no hurry to see to this task. He told his wife, that he would do it after a while and referred once more to the gas prices and the car being a guzzler.

Little T went outside. He had a great plan and he was going to surprise them. He just knew they would be tickled pink.

He opened the car door and pushed the start-button on the floor: he knew he could move the car closer to where it needed to be. After repeating this process a few times the car had rolled far enough down the drive way. Now he could get the hose in the car. He filled it ALL THE WAY!

Mission completed he went back inside to proudly tell his daddy, that he no longer had to fill up the car, because he had already taken care of it for him.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A Tiny Seed


 
It was a beautiful morning when I walked out the door with our dog at 5:45AM for our early morning walk. One of those mornings with a star-studded sky and I could make out ‘the little dipper’ and also ‘the big dipper’ but some of them were puzzling me, like a very bright star low to the west.

I try to focus, it is shaped different, with a tail ... like a seed, of a sperm, YES, A SPERM!

The dog is doing twirlies, ready to drop something smelly! He always has to do LOTS of twirlies before he gets down to business. Not a sound to be heard, except the crunching of leaves.

I keep trying to focus on that star, making my eyes water in the brisk morning air.
This short gravel road goes into the park, nobody lives here, so he can drop turds all he likes, but it is pitch-dark, only one street-light way behind us, throwing weird shadows.

When a large shape moves beside me, my heart makes a flip, and a huge buck seems to extract himself from the shadows and runs away, white flopping tail dancing as he runs.
I don’t scream, because I am trying to catch my breath, but the dog makes enough noise for both of us. I guess my dog didn’t smell we were standing right next to that deer? A lot of people walk through there with dogs to go to the park. Maybe too many smells?

Next time I walk here ... it will NOT be dark!

When I come home I have a cup of coffee to calm down ... the first kids arrive at 7 AM
Due to the vision of that special star my book-choice for the kids is ‘A Tiny Seed’, by Eric Carle. I consider Mr Carle one of the best authors of children books.
Yet today I also found a special message in there for myself.


A tiny seed, smaller than the rest is blown away by strong autumn winds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It doesn’t burn up, because it gets too close to the sun, it can’t fly that high
It doesn’t freeze by dropping in the snow on the mountain top, because it is not that heavy
It doesn’t fall in the desert to dry out, because it is light and keeps on flying
Also ....
It doesn’t fall in the ocean and drown
It is not eaten by the mouse (it is so small, the mouse didn’t see it)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the tiny seed finally opens, it is kind of late in the season. Nobody plucks it, nobody steps on it. It grows and it grows, until finally it is taller than any flower anybody has ever seen and people are coming from everywhere to look at that
gorgeous flower.

The tallest, most beautiful flower, that was once the tiniest seed!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Is your self-esteem good , broken, healing or healed?


As we scoot through life we seldom make it ‘all-the-way’ with a good self-esteem. Just look around, or better yet, look in the mirror.

Many of us go through stages of ‘self-esteem’, because life will pull us down somewhere along the line. But if you start off with a low self-esteem as a child, anything that happens after that might tear you down even more.

Did you ever try to be helpful in school to a child that obviously had a lower self-esteem than yourself? Only to find out that this child was USING YOU to climb that pedestal to feel better? Climbing all over you, hurting you?

When I was a child, my parents were very concerned that we might think we were BETTER than others. I have no idea why, but we were told this over and over. We were expected to know our place and be respectful. Children that seemed spoiled were called ‘over het paard getild’ which translates into ‘carried OVER the horse. Only royalty and very rich people have horses in the Netherlands, so that meant you were spoiled rotten.

The biggest compliment my parents could get, was if people said, "Your kids were so good, we didn’t even know they were there." They would glow with pride!

The part they forgot though, is compliment us ... I can’t recall EVER receiving a compliment from my parents when I was a child.

I remember sitting on the steps after sneaking out of bed, listening to them bragging about me, when they had company. I could stay awake for that all night long.

LOVED IT!!

So basically I didn’t start of as ‘miss popularity’.

My ex took down the rest of that self-esteem. His was low (I finally see that now) so he had to put me down to feel better and bigger! The divorce didn’t help much at first, I felt like a failure.

And I got a bit cocky after that ... just for show ... it was all pretense, but I started to believe it myself after a while.

Just the other day I read a blog about obnoxious people, healing from a low self-esteem. The blogger hit the nail on the head ... a healing self-esteem is often not very pretty.

He also mentioned that he had become more understanding and forgiving, when he saw this behavior. Because he knows more now ... about people getting hurt ... and healing.
So I wonder if anyone, has always had a good self-esteem.

Are you hurting, healing or healed?

And please remember, the best gift you can give your child is a good self-esteem. All you need to do is show them, that they are worthy of your time. Be patient at different levels of development, but allow them to ‘do it themselves’!

When a young child yells, "I do it!" don’t take it away from them, but show them how.
Compliment them on their achievement, leave harsh criticism behind. Don’t say anything to your child, you would say to your friends!

Starting with a good self-esteem is so much easier than having to fix it.

Is your self-esteem good , broken, healing or healed?


As we scoot through life we seldom make it ‘all-the-way’ with a good self-esteem. Just look around, or better yet, look in the mirror.

Many of us go through stages of ‘self-esteem’, because life will pull us down somewhere along the line. But if you start off with a low self-esteem as a child, anything that happens after that might tear you down even more.

Did you ever try to be helpful in school to a child that obviously had a lower self-esteem than yourself? Only to find out that this child was USING YOU to climb that pedestal to feel better? Stepping all over you to get there?

When I was a child, my parents were very concerned that we might think we were BETTER than others. I have no idea why, but we were told over and over," You are not better than anybody else."

We were expected to know our place and be respectful. Children that seemed spoiled were called ‘over het paard getild’ which translates into ‘carried OVER the horse'. Only royalty and very rich people have horses in the Netherlands, so that meant you were spoiled rotten.

The biggest compliment my parents could get, was if people said, "Your kids were so good, we didn’t even know they were there." They would glow with pride!

The part they forgot though, is compliment us ... I can’t recall EVER to get a compliment ... directly ... but I had a way ...

I remember sitting on the steps after sneaking out of bed, listening to them bragging about us, when they had company. I could stay awake all night long for that feeling.

 LOVED IT!!

So basically I didn’t start of as ‘miss popularity’.

My ex took down the rest of that self-esteem. His was low (I finally see that now) so he had to put me down to feel better and bigger! The divorce didn’t help much at first, I felt like a failure.

And I got a bit cocky after that ... just for show ... it was all pretense, but I started to believe it myself after a while.

Just the other day I read a blog about obnoxious people, healing from a low self-esteem. The blogger hit the nail on the head ... a healing self-esteem is often not very pretty.

He also mentioned that he had become more understanding and forgiving, when he saw this behavior. Because he knows more now ... about people getting hurt ... and healing.
So I wonder if anyone, has always had a good self-esteem.

Are you hurting, healing or healed?

And please remember, the best gift you can give your child is a good self-esteem. All you need to do is show them, that they are worthy of your time. Be patient at different levels of development, but allow them to ‘do it themselves’! When a young child yells, "I do it!" don’t take it away from them, but show them how.

Compliment them on their achievement, leave harsh criticism behind. Don’t say anything to your child, you would say to your friends!

Starting with a good self-esteem is so much easier than having to fix it.