Friday, October 21, 2011
The Worst Day of your Life?
Sometimes we have to sit and ponder a while, as I did the other day when someone asked me this question. My thoughts were alternating between the most painful and the most life-changing.
When I came to a conclusion I heard my ex-husbands voice, "I don’t love you anymore."
Just a few words can sent your world tumbling down in many tiny fragments, even though you knew, deep down you knew. And also, he always made me feel like I was not good enough.
I could never figure out how to reach that level of being ‘good enough’.
I did the things I thought would make a man happy, yet it was not working on him. There was hardly any sex and I was concerned about his well-being, too naive to think about the fact he was getting it elsewhere.
He didn’t want me to seduce him, or initiate sex, he thought it made a woman slutty, yet I heard other men wish for their wives ‘to make the move’. And I can understand totally how it would make a man feel desirable, because it does the same thing for women.
If you want me ... I must be HOT.
So not being wanted fed into my low self-esteem and I was slowly crumbling reaching for straws to make myself more desirable. So the day he told me that he no longer loved me, sent me spiraling down in a dark abyss of pain and loneliness. And I kept wondering ... WHY? Why must I hurt like this, what did I do wrong?
He was my first love and I never felt pain like this before.
THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!
So I thought!
Yet now, more than 20 years later, I finally realize ... IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sometimes, to move on, we have to let go of the ‘old life’ so we can start a new life.
It hurt like HELL ... and even though my marriage was empty and lonely ... I got more lonely.
So why do I consider this the BEST day of my life?
It forced me out of my cocoon ... it forced me to spread my wings and fly ... it forced me to open my eyes and grow up. I became a woman ... and I learned I need to make myself happy, before I can make anybody else happy.
The path of pain is nobody’s favorite way to grow, but I see now, why it was needed..
Please share the worst and best days of your life .... I wonder, if you might come to the same conclusion.